Video: Copywriting Analysis Express of CheckWise by Aleix Ramon
CheckWise is an online-buddy accountability service for self-employed professionals made by Aleix Ramon.
He’s addressing freelancers and solopreneurs who need personal accountability to finish their projects and deliver on time.
Aleix confused me with how he communicates his online service, and a confused person never buys.
However, there are good bits in his copy and he has some sense of direction of what CheckWise does, why it’s beneficial, and who he’s targeting. But it’s not fully fleshed out. The story on the page has gaps which made me want to leave. For example, he’s speaking about going to the gym and about world domination in the same section. Hm…
I optimized Aleix’s website from top to bottom and recorded my findings in a video that is different from the express version above. I looked at every single detail I could find, but the video will never be public.
Click here if you don’t wanna miss future in-depth analyses and get on my private email list.
Anyway. Let’s continue…
1st part - Header
9th part - FAQ + Footer
Many small things need polish.
It starts with the logo which is boring and gray (literally). If your color scheme is purple-orange tint the logo in purple-orange. At least change the gray of the checkmark to a color that is not depressing.
Have a look at this headline and lead paragraph…
Your talent is useless without consistency.
I’ll make you stick to your plans. No apps. No groups. Just a real person keeping you accountable.
Call-to-acton: Get Things Done
The word “useless” is strong and why would you want to introduce your service like that? Find an equivalent word that puts the first impression in a positive light.
Here’s my rewrite (version A):
Do you want to finish your projects and become a reliable professional that your friends look up to?
I’ll make you stick to your deadlines. No apps. No groups. Just me keeping you accountable.
Do you want to be a reliable person that your friends admire?
Did you know that…
You are 95% more likely to complete your goals if you are accountable to someone?
Hi, I’m Aleix Ramon, and I was fascinated by these results, but I didn’t believe them. So, I downloaded all the productivity apps I could find, joined a couple of accountability groups, and published what I found out. Get the full report by entering your email address below…
- Input field: Name
- Input field: Email
- Submit button
tl;dr Neither the apps nor the groups worked for me, so I started CheckWise.
Tell me your plans and I’ll make you stick to them.
If you fail, I fail and we both pay 50:50 of a monthly subscription fee ($50) into the CheckWise Piggy Bank. The money will be locked for 6 months, and it’s publicly available for everyone to see.
If you prefer no public shame, read our success stories.
I then shortened the page to its essence and optimized it. Here’s a before and after screenshot.
As you can see, the very first words make a big impression and so does a weird layout. That’s why I fixed both. There are more things that Aleix could be optimizing but with my revision he can at least convince people with his report, capture their attention by entering their email address, and show proof through social proof from real customers.
If I knew that Aleix had gone through this testing period (apps, groups) and then concluded that his service is the better alternative (because it works), this would make his copy more convincing. Then, depending on the results that he can deliver, the 50 bucks per month would be a no-brainer.
At least, with the new copy that I suggested I would know that Aleix is fully invested in the service and convinced that it works. Why else would he risk his own money? This bold move would make him stand above his main competitor Boss as a Service.
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