@naii naii.io Alexander Kluge
Life is no joke
But what you’re about to read is.
Because tell me—
When was the last time you laughed out loud?
(Seriously)
Copyright
Copyright © 2025 by Alexander Kluge and naii.io
All rights reserved.
This book was sent by Alexander Kluge* as owner of Alexander Kluge (sole proprietor) and naii.io (domain).
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Dedication
For my mom and for you…
when you think too much and LOL too little
Epigraph
The world’s gotten so serious, we forgot how to laugh.
Alexander Kluge
(quoting himself)
June
Clean
Jun 21
Had a deep thought in the shower
Lost it after I shampooed
It was dirty
Harmony
Jun 22
Tried meditating
My thoughts formed a union
And went on strike
Privacy
Jun 23
Scheduled a panic attack for 3 p.m.
Put it in my calendar
Google suggested guests
Acceptance
Jun 24
Voiced my opinion in a meeting
Everyone nodded in silence
And changed the subject
Found
Jun 25
Tried to find myself in nature
Heard a crow call me names
Now the wings are on land
(feeling free like a bird)
Recognition
Jun 26
Worked late all week
My boss sent a thank-you email
To someone else
Comfort
Jun 27
Bought a weighted blanket
Feels like a hug
From my ex
Clarity
Jun 28
Took a walk to clear my mind
Got lost in thought
Ended up knocking on the wrong house
(they let me in)
Confidence
Jun 29
Practiced my speech in the mirror
Smashed it with passion
Got hit by a car
(the stream got one like)
Satisfaction
Jun 30
Checked off everything on my todo list
Smiled in victory
Woke up on a couch
(Dr. Jordan Peterson holding my hand)
July
Purpose
Jul 1
Tried to follow my dreams
But they gave mixed signals
Now I just follow traffic lights
(cherry-green means go)
Pride
Jul 2
Fixed the sink by myself
Water sprayed across the kitchen
Opened my mouth and let it all sink in
Impression
Jul 3
Waved at someone who wasn’t waving at me
Turned it into a happy stretch
Saw a yoga ad on IG
(I was the downward dog)
Freedom
Jul 4
Deleted all my apps
Felt liberated
Then forgot how to go home
Energy
Jul 5
Drank two espressos before 9
Cleaned inbox, scrubbed floor, called ex
Got promoted to persona non grata in 3 places
Growth
Jul 6
Went to therapy
Learned I’ve been blaming my plants for dying
Turns out I needed water
(took a sip)
Optimism
July 7
Looked in the mirror and said, “You got this.”
Mirror cracked
We broke up
Rhythm
July 8
Put on Spotify to feel something
Cried at the ad between songs
They know me better than my friends do
Footloose
July 9
Tried to let go of control
At 4:45 p.m.
Sharp!
Joy
July 10
Finally tried kombucha
Tastes like tea with trust issues
The bottle cut my tongue
(it was my last sip)
Validation
July 11
Posted something online
No one liked it
It was too Meta
Adventure
July 12
Took a new route home
Got lost, found a dog, joined a cult
Now I’m in charge of 10 puppies
(Jungle Book)
Luck
July 13
Slipped on a banana peel
In front of a fruit stand
Called “My Name Is Earl”
Silence
July 14
Sat alone without my phone
Heard my own thoughts
They said, “Akira (1988)”
(I’m now in therapy)
Respect
July 15
Tried to stand up for myself
My knees cracked
Everyone applauded
Chivalry
July 16
Told my story in a circle
Someone else took notes
And published it as fiction
(his name was Stephen King)
Desire
July 17
Made eye contact with a stranger
He smiled
Doctor said, “It’s going to be a girl”
Clarity (2)
July 18
Took a walk to clear my mind
Got lost in thought
Never made it back
Reputation
July 19
Guy said I’m a “bit intense”
After he lost blood
Punching walls
(to chill)
Courage
July 20
Said what I really felt
He didn’t feel the same
Said it never again
Belonging
July 21
Attended a group called “Overthinking Anomalees”
Spent the whole session wondering if it was a typo
Never realized it was a test
(I failed!)
SPF-40
July 22
Went sunbathing at noon
Sunscreen said, “Anti-Aging Plus”
Woke up at night. In a hospital. Naked. Crying
Attention
July 23
Wore something bold to feel confident
Got a compliment from a stranger in black
He wore glasses and his name was Neo
(“I would never do that to you, Trinity!”)
Timing
July 24
Finally found the words
Knew exactly what to say
The perfect line
(six hours after the show)
Romance
July 25
Held hands on a walk
It were mine
Practicing
Support
July 26
Cried on a friend’s shoulder
He flinched
I apologized
Wisdom
July 27
Gave life advice to a teenager
He nodded and said
“You peaked mid-sentence”
Love
July 28
Promised myself to never watch hot girls online again
Saw an episode of Candace Owens on YouTube
And broke my promise
Relief
July 29
Finished my work early
First time in years
Felt like PSG beating Inter
(tore my shoulders lifting the trophy)
Style
July 30
Wore a Birkin bag
Felt like gold
Left the tag on
(“Made in China”)
Feelings
July 31
Tried to wrap up the month with grace
Tripped on my shoelace
Landed face-first in August’s arms
August
Ambition
August 1
Tried to make something of myself
Printer jammed halfway through
Now I’m a clerk in The Office
Loyalty
August 2
Texted my crush “I miss you”
Autocorrect changed it to “I respect your boundaries”
Now we’re friends forever
Innocence
August 3
Borrowed a kid’s coloring book
Filled it with trauma
He asked, “Why does mommy have two daddies?”
Focus
August 4
Deleted distractions, went offline, sat in silence
Listened to my thoughts
Filed a noise complaint
Sacrifice
August 5
Gave up sugar, carbs, and late-night cravings
Lost 30 kilograms
And my double Ds
(now I fit through a closing train door)
(and people call me “Tom”)
Patients
August 6
I was afraid to be buried alive in a box
My therapist said, “STOP IT”
So I stopped
(and put him in a box)
Patience
August 7
Planted a seed in spring
Watered it every day
Its branches grew into my landlord’s yard
(now I have summer and he has shade)
Nostalgia
August 8
Heard a song from 2006
My spine did the exact dance move
Now I can’t walk but feel like 16 again
Tinder
August 9
Asked the universe for a sign
Tinder said, “Your soulmate is 3km away!”
Then realized their business is the fantasy of dating
Duolingo
August 10
Practiced Vietnamese for 143 days
Earned three owl badges and a streak freeze
Then realized Duolingo’s business is the fantasy of learning
Power
August 11
Got promoted to manager
Held a meeting
Everyone quit
Desire
August 12
Wished for a simpler life
Wifey turned off the Wi-Fi
Now I live in present
(sorry I meant “prison”)
Judgment
August 13
Looked in the mirror for answers
It said, “Meh”
And turned around
Purpose
August 14
Took a personality test
Came out as “background character”
Now I’m grass in a coloring book
Freedom
August 15
Finally cut ties with everyone
Felt a deep sense of peace
Then asked the void what it thought
(it called a supermassive black hole and ate me!)
Hope
August 16
Woke up with a spark of joy
Checked the news
And everything was Matrix-blue
(I wish it was green)
Pride
August 17
Told my parents I got promoted
They said, “Affirmative. We parsed your LinkedIn”
Then unfollowed me IRL
Clarity (3)
August 18
Took a walk to clear my mind
Got lost in thought
Found myself outside my ex’s place
(she let me in)
Possession
August 19
Meditated for an hour
Detached from ego
And my body joined
LLM
August 20
You are the average of the 5 people around you:
Siri, DeepSeek, Copilot, Gemini, ChatGPT
My new BFF is Lord Sith
Balance
August 21
Wrote a to-do list
Got overwhelmed
Burned it to the ground
(including my house)
Echo
August 22
Told a joke to the void
It clapped
I didn’t
(It’s quiet in the asylum)
Stamina
August 23
Tried to hold eye contact with my reflection
She blinked
It wasn’t me
Control
August 24
Cleaned the entire apartment
Felt like it was finally my space again
Then Mr. Tom told me to do the balconies next
Forgiveness
August 25
Said sorry to everyone I hurt
They forgave me
And posted my apology online
Success
August 26
Spent four days with Tony Robbins
Walked on fire, rewired my brain
Became a beast nobody can stop
Unleashed the power within
And stopped when I saw a Tony ad
“Where focus goes, cereal flows”
(“I feel GGGG-REAT!”)
Safety
August 27
Installed every security update
Double-checked every password
Then replied to an email from Nigeria
(we’re business partners now)
Important
August 28
Watched a pigeon fly out of a trash can
Ted caught me starring out the window
“Who’s the pigeon and what’s the trash?”
(It was a secret… I’m Walter Mitty)
Exposure
August 29
Shared my feelings online
Got one reply
From my mother
(she wrote “lol”)
Faith
August 30
Lit a candle for guidance
Wind blew it out
Tried to blow it on again
(didn’t work)
Sweetness
August 31
Ate a tomato with no salt
Tasted like a breakup
From someone who treated me like ketchup
September
Rebirth
September 1
Threw out my old journal
Felt free
Then forgot who I was
(and never found again)
HELLO
September 2
Waited for my phone to ring
The quiet got louder
So I called myself
(and ignored the caller)
Direction
September 3
Tried to follow my GPS
It said, “I’m lost”
I said, “Same”
(and kept driving anyway)
Opportunity
September 4
Gave my heart away
It came back broken
With a bill and a note
(“return rich or sorry”)
Fairytale
September 5
Made a plan for Sep 5, 2025 AD
Then my baby died
Rescheduled my plan to “AD”
(calendar laughed)
Memory
September 6
Bought a lottery ticket
Lost it immediately
Had a brain surgery
(felt eternal sunshine on my spotless mind)
FBI
September 7
Remembered a secret
Forgot who told me
The secret’s safe
Together
September 8
Sent a text to a friend
He read it
Didn’t reply
(at least he read it)
Escape
September 9
Booked a trip
It was awesome
Never left the house
Change
September 10
Cut my hair for a new me
Saw my reflection
It was speechless
(“try again”)
Balance
September 11
Juggled work and life
Dropped both
Looked at my hands
(saw nothing)
Answer
September 12
Ignored every call
Voicemail filled up
Turn into voidmail
(“The person you are trying to reach is unavailable”)
Truth
September 13
Told myself I’m fine
Believed it until 12
Then remembered…
(I lied)
Eternal
September 14
Set my goals on fire
Was happy as can be
Watched them burn bright
(turns out it was a burn-out)
Memory
September 15
Remembered to forget
Forgot to remember
Now I’m a ghost
(trapped)
Hush
September 16
Said “quiet” to my dog
He barked louder
I’m stupid
Yacht
September 17
Stared at my screen
Threw it into the sea
Never regretted it
(my name is Robinson Crusoe)
Clarity (4)
September 18
Took a walk to clear my mind
Got lost in thought
Asked Siri how to get home
(she was busy with someone else)
Like my girlfriend when I called
We stayed together
Until we broke up
She still has my heart
(and I have a broken neck)
(hanging around in the woods)
Written from Berlin’s former Russian sector during war(m) summer time
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Your friend Alex
On June 21, 2025
Frank-Zappa Str. 11
12681 Berlin
Germany
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Amateur human and explorer of the world
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